Athlete Lookalikes

hello my dear readers, (yes, all five of you guys: drew, jason, dan, kevin and caperna) it’s been a while since i posted, and i sincerely apologize to those who eager beaverly awaited my next post. i have a legitimate excuse, though. contrary to the popular belief out there that i’m just a bum sitting at home all day playing fantasy sports and blogging, i AM still in law school, and i had 4 final exams to cram for after spending most of my class time blogging/researching/fantasy sport-ing the entire semester. (when i even went to class, that is) anyway, after pulling several all-nighters and basically living at the library for a week, i think i passed all my exams (knock on wood), and now i get to sit on my ass and play fantasy and blog for another semester. go me. okay, enough about me, moving on to something you guys would actually be interested in reading…

after i posted a picture of stephen jackson in my last post about athlete’s tattoos, my buddy jason caperna pointed out his striking resemblance to willem dafoe (the Green Goblin from Spider-Man and the gay FBI agent from Boondock Saints), and i realized there are quite a few other lookalikes out there, which led to this post. let’s see who looks like who:

1. Robert Horry and Will Smith

Big Shot Bob and Big Shot Will

Big Shot Bob and Big Shot Bill: Bob makes big shots in the NBA and Bill is a big shot in Hollywood.

yes, it’s pretty obvious, but it would be a travesty to not include these two in a list of celebrity-athlete lookalikes. no matter what they do to themselves, they somehow end up looking alike still. when will smith was stick skinny in Fresh Prince of Bel Air, horry was just as skinny playing for the Rockets in the early-mid 90’s. back then, horry was an athletic high-flyer with a lean, chiseled body, but as he began to age and lost his athleticism (and got lazy), he transformed himself into a spot-up 3 point shooter. however, despite his fame as a clutch 3 point shooter, he was never a great 3 point shooter (career 34% shooter from beyond the arc), but he always made them when it mattered the most, and hence the “Big Shot Bob” nickname. anyway, as he got less and less active on the court, his body started to get bigger and slightly rounder around the edges, and there was a brief time period when horry and will smith didn’t look alike. then will smith began to bulk up and get pretty big and muscular himself, and just like that, they looked alike again, which causes me to believe that they will always and forever be the most famous and the most identical celebrity-athlete lookalike pair of all time. (their resemblance reached its peak when will smith bulked up for the movie Ali)

fresh prince of houston rockets. (they have the same haircut too)

fresh prince of houston rockets. (they have the same haircut too)

rememer, will was just playing some bball in philly before he got sent to bel air by his mom.

remember, will was just playing some bball in philly before he got into trouble and sent to bel air.

2. Al Horford and Xerxes (from 300)

is he supposed to be Persian?

is he supposed to be Persian?

Xerxes?

Xerxes in Hotlanta.

i know, Xerxes is a fictional character from a movie. (well, technically, he is a historical figure who really existed, but the director of 300 made him look like a giant queer with gazillion piercings, and i’m fairly positive the real Xerxes did not look like that. or maybe he did.) whatever the real Xerxes looked like, there is no doubt that Xerxes the movie character looks a lot like al horford of the atlanta hawks. i first noticed the resemblance when i saw him and his gators annihilate my beloved bruins in the ncaa title game a few years ago. for a guy who has such a rugged, bruiser-type game, horford has some feminine facial features. he has big, sparkly, GIRLY eyes, and his dark, long eyelashes make him look like he’s wearing mascara. and also some DS… i mean, perky, pink lips… all of which makes him look like Xerxes, who looked plenty girly himself in the movie. what do you guys think?

doesn't he just look like a girl?

doesn't he just look like a girl?

(NOTE: I AM NOT GAY AND I DO NOT HAVE A MANCRUSH ON AL HORFORD.)

btw, did you guys know Xerxes was played by Rodrigo Santoro? (he was in Lost and Love Actually)

3. Bonzi Wells and Jay-Z

Bon-Z Wells

Bon-Z.

Jay-Z.

Jay-Z.

shawn carter’s face is slightly longer than bonzi’s, whose face is really round, but they both have gynormous nostrills and similar “faded” look. and neither of them would be a spokesperson for Bally’s Total Fitness any time soon. btw, bonzi also looks a lot like paul pierce, but pierce doesn’t look like jay-z that much. weird.

4. Boris Diaw and Pharrell

why is EA Sports using boris diaw of all people for their motion graphics? (those white dots on his face are sensors)

EA Sports. It's in the Game.

N.E.R.D. (No one Ever Reads Dunkonyourface.com)

N.E.R.D. (No one Ever Reads Dunkonyourface.com)

diaw looks a lot like pharrell, except he’s like 2 feet taller than him. they are similar in more ways than just their looks. pharrell doesn’t dress/look like other American rap stars. he is more european/japanese styled in terms of fashion and doesn’t have the thug-life, straight-from-the-projects image. diaw is from france, so obviously he is different from the other american basketball players in terms of both lifestyle and playing style on the court. he’s soft, doesn’t like contact and doesn’t play much D. in short, he is a “finesse” player. 

pharrell or diaw? can you tell?

pharrell or diaw? can you tell?

5. Kurt Thomas and R. Kelly

hope this guy doesn't pee on girls.

hope this guy doesn't pee on little girls...

like this guy.

like this guy.

i know their eyes look totally different, so i was actually going to use a picture of R. Kelly wearing shades to make him look even MORE like kurt thomas, but that kinda felt like cheating, so i decided to present them as they are. other than their eyes, everything else is almost identical. their face shape, jawline, goatee and even their hairline and cornrows. kurt thomas looks a little more gangsta/hood than r. kelly, but r. kelly is a R&B crooner, not a rapper, so i guess it’s all good. kurt thomas on the other hand looks like a pretty legit gangsta with his scowl and ferocity.

(interesting fact of the day: kurt thomas once led the NCAA in both scoring and rebounding in the same season at TCU. only 2 other players have accomplished such feat: xavier mcdaniel and hank gathers)

6. Stephen Jackson and Willem Dafoe 

The Black Goblin.

The Black Goblin.

The Green Goblin.

The Green Goblin.

this one is actually from my boy caperna: Captain Jack is the Black Goblin. this is our first cross-race lookalike, and i like it. it is rare for two individuals of different races to look like each other, but we got a pretty damn good match in these two. this is about as close as it gets for people of different races, in my opinion. and it’s not just their physical looks/features (long face, protruding jaw… etc); they both have this “crazy” vibe that makes you think twice before pissing them off. take one more look at their menacing looks above and tell me you don’t think they look alike.

7. Donyell Marshall and Ludacris

he was pretty money.

luda gained some weight.

aspiring actor chris bridges. stick to rapping.

aspiring actor chris bridges. stick to rapping.

another old favorite of mine. donyell marshall and luda. yes, luda is short, and marshall is much bigger/rounder, but both of their eyes always look like they are about to pop out, and their signature cornrows and facial hair complete the resemblance.

8. Kyle Korver and Ashton Kutcher? (nah, let’s try someone else)

maybe a teeny little bit here. (their hair colors are different)

maybe a teeny little bit here. (notice korver's hair is orange and kutcher's is dark brown)

the general public seems to firmly believe that kyle korver is ashton kutcher’s long lost twin brother separated at birth. i don’t understand it at ALL. yes, ashton is very tall. in fact, he’s taller than most guards in the NBA, and they both have moppy, “white boy” hair, but that’s where their similarites end. their facial features don’t anything alike, and although i’m not a big fan of mr. demi moore, he’s a good looking dude who can and SHOULD be getting hot girls left and right instead of being married to a 50-year old “product” of modern plastic surgery technology. i would be pretty annoyed if people kept comparing me to some guy who doesn’t look anything like me and is much uglier than me. plus, kyle korver sucks.

not so much here, eh?

not so much here, eh?

but i think korver actually DOES look a lot like this guy:

on the juice. fa shizzle.

carrot top: on the juice. fa shizzle.

once you get over the makeup and the hair, you can see kyle korver looks a lot more like CARROT TOP than ashton kutcher. am i tripping? 

9. Pat Garrity and Seann William Scott

i wonder what he's upto these days.

i wonder what he's upto these days.

"Relax, take it slow, and let the good times roll." -Steve Stifler

"Relax, take it slow, and let the good times roll." -Steve Stifler

this one is my personal favorite. pat garrity, who used to play for the orlando magic, looks a lot like my favorite actor of all time, seann william scott. don’t know who seann william scott is? try the Stifmeister/Stifler from the American Pie trilogy. (the word trilogy kinda makes it seem like some epic, Academy-winning blockbuster series like The Godfather or Lord of the Rings, but i’m using it in the literal sense, as in three movies. but then, they made so many more straight-to-DVDs sequels after the third one that technically, i can’t call it a trilogy either… okay, i’ll stop.) anyway, matthew berry of ESPN always talks about guys with two first names always being crowd pleasers, like Ryan Howard (baseball), Tony Allen (basketball), Donald Lee (football)… etc, but seann william scott has THREE first names in his name. he is the only celebrity/athlete i know that has three first names. no wonder he’s such a crowd pleaser.

10. Stan Van Gundy and Ron Jeremy

stan the man.

yes, i know he's not an athlete. he's a coach.

"suck my dick." -Ron Jeremy

"Suck my d*ck." -Ron Jeremy

it’s so funny that stan doesn’t look anything like his actual brother jeff and looks like ron jeremy’s long lost twin. they are both fat and have the pornstar ’stache, crazy double chin and receding hairline. there’s only one part of ron jeremy’s body that you would actually WANT to resemble, and it certainly isn’t his face. sucks for stan.

11. Nick Young and Nick Cannon

young.

nick young stylin' himself.

wild n' out

wild 'n out nick cannon.

first name is not the only thing they have in common. i couldn’t find good pictures where they really look alike, but if you saw them both on tv, you’d definitely agree with me that the two nick boys look alike. they both have skinny, narrow faces with a lean bodyframe, and they have both this boyish, goofy look. anyway, nick cannon was with a victoria’s secret model and christina milian before he married mariah carey. i mean, she does have gigantic boobs, but she’s also kinda chubby and like 50 years old. nick cannon is the second person on this list to be with a much older woman (the other was ashton kutcher).

12. Scottie Pippen and Shin Hyun-Jun & Vince Carter and Eric of k-pop boy band Shinhwa

scottie (definitely NOT) 2 hottie.

scottie (NOT) 2 hottie.

korean scottie.

korean scottie.

korean readers who actually know who Shin Hyun-Jun and Eric are would find this even funnier, but those who don’t should see the resemblance nevertheless. Shin Hyun-Jun is a Korean movie star who has appeared in several typical Korean tear-jerking melodramas (where he falls in love with his step-sister who likes some other guy and dies of cancer, leaving him devastated, or something along that line) and a handful of crappy movies. Eric, on the other hand, is the leader of the longest-lasting, most popular boy band in K-pop history. he also does a little bit of acting, and while his acting ain’t that great either, i think he should just act and stop “rapping”. he cannot rhyme to save his life and he once rapped about how he’s so crazy that he can turn a regular chicken joint into an El Pollo Loco. wow. anyway, Shin Hyun-Jun has long been called “Scottie” in korea, and Eric has been often compared to Vince Carter and also actor Eddie Griffin. (not the deceased basketball player. RIP eddie griffin.)

postmaster general.

US Postmaster General.

eric.

eric.

and then…

undercover brothers.

Undercover Brothers. (get it? like the movie!)

 

Bonus Coverage: Uncle Phil and Suge Knight

uncle phil's secret day job.

uncle phil's secret day job.

i know, neither uncle phil nor suge knight is an athlete (although case could be made that suge knight is a “hustler”), but this was just too good to not include. if i were to force an athlete in, i’d try drew gooden. he’s bald and has the same beard, but it’d be pushing it. i’m glad he got rid of that nasty triangle patch of hair on the back of his head, though. that sure looked retarded. 

uncle drew.

get rid of the beard, drew. it doesn't make you look rugged.

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130 Responses to “Athlete Lookalikes”

  1. Socal Loves Drew Says:

    Ashok would be sad to see you left out the B-Diddy - Denzel comparison. Props to your boy Caperna, Black Goblin indeed. He should get a new tattoo of that!

  2. Jason Says:

    oh my god this was funny shit. scottie and shin hyun jun was MONEY. i always thought he looked like someone i knew… it was scottie! God job on the pictures, al horford and captain jack was the best lol.

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    вот этот просто вот кому интересно, , Позитива к не хватает

  123. Fiervisadleda Says:

    всё жду недождусь практически бесполезна . Удивительн

  124. Coancykaffomo Says:

    что банальные других уверен тоже . Позитива к не хватает

  125. erernecoemn Says:

    ггг вот кому интересно, ? безобразные

  126. ImmopsysobDob Says:

    Very nice Blog, I will tell my friends about it.

    Thanks

  127. Kapitan Says:

    На днях сходили с друзьями на киносеанс фильма Наша Russia, хочется поделиться впечатлениями, пока свежи воспоминания и горячи эмоции. Сразу хочу высказать свою точку зрения - посмотреть фильм стоит. Новая лента Камеди Клаб Продакшн выигрывает у своих предшественников – “самых лучших фильмов» сразу по нескольким критериям. Во-первых, это актёрский состав. Совсем не трудно догадаться, что больше половины ролей в фильме исполняют Маша Галустян и Светлаков. Конечно, не хочется говорить, что фильм выехал только на них, но если бы не эти ребята, фильм смотрелся бы достаточно убого. Не спорю, может быть мы все уже привыкли и полюбили персонажей из сериала Наша Russia, и именно поэтому в кино мы шли без большой доли скептицизма. И это уже показатель второй: бренд нашей Раши. Ну и в третьих, это какой-никакой, но сюжет - последовательность действий, которые мало-помалу развиваются от начала, и имеют логическую (или не совсем) концовку. Чего практически не было в самых лучших фильмах - где грубо говоря была последовательность миниатюр, кое как скреплённых общей ниточкой меж собой.
    Конечно, фильм Наша Раша Яйца Судьбы не без минусов - это порой уже потёртые шутки, а некоторые моменты можно было обыграть и развить получше. Слишком мало в действии мы увидели Ивана Дулина, Анастасию Кузнецову, Снежану Денисовну, Славика с Димоном. Ну и, если честно, не очень порадовала концовка, которая оказалась как то очень смятой, скоротечной, и при этом предсказуемой. Но, несмотря на это, фильм всё же понравился. Конечно создатели постарались, чтобы зрители выходили из зала с улыбкой на лице, и в финальные титры “посадили” Сергея Юрьевича Белякова, который в пух и прах разложил всех создателей и участников фильма, кроме себя любимого. Ход сыграл на все сто!!!

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